


Scars like flowers

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Burns, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Developing Friendships, Early Mornings, Gen, Headcanon, Heart-to-Heart, Scars, Team as Family, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 13:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17447783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Caduceus helps Caleb understand that scars are like flowers- common, beautiful and everywhere.





	Scars like flowers

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT THE SECRET ON HOW TO WRITE MOLLY AND CAD. Molly was a fake-philosopher who spoke bullshit that made no sense and Caduceus is wise and he DOES make sense. I was so proud of myself.
> 
> There is a lot of talk of scars, and I like the idea of Caleb's bandages covering up burns from the fire that killed his parents and I needed to give Cad one just so they could have this conversation, so sorry if it doesn't really make sense. (UPDATE- OF COURSE I POST THIS A FEW WEEKS BEFORE LIAM REVEALS WHAT THE BANDAGES ARE REALLY FOR, GOD DAMN MY BAD TIMING)
> 
> This is written as a gen work and that's how I see it, but if some of you Clayleb shippers thing otherwise, be my guest, it's open for interpretation. 
> 
> (If anyone gets the tiny Vox Machina/Campaign 1 reference I've hidden in there I will love you forever.)
> 
> Hope you liked it because I really enjoyed writing it x

On most days, Caleb sat back and watched as Caduceus made his rounds through the ship, sharing reassuring smiles and listening to any of the crew's worries as they spent longer and longer out at sea. His calmness was unnerving yet reassuring, a steady presence to get them through their many fuckups and be there to willingly patch them up at the end. He was, in all honesty, an enigma to Caleb in the cryptic metaphors he used and the promises he kept.

Though Caduceus was often found in the crow’s nest with his tea set and his herbs praying to his goddess and watching the patterns formed from stars in the night, Caleb had more often than not seen him climbing up the rungs with his staff clutched in one hand and the book Caleb had given him about forest rot tucked under his arm. Most days Orly reported that Caduceus often spent many hours up there, sometimes from dawn to dusk, watching the day pass by.

In some ways, Caduceus’ tranquil and easy-going demeanour had Caleb on edge- there was no way anyone could be so at ease with the things the Mighty Nein go through on a regular basis as if they go seeking out the trouble on purpose. In some ways they did, but no matter what, Caduceus always seemed to be there for them when he was most needed.

Caleb hoped he was doing the right thing when he gave Caduceus the book he had found in Twiggy’s sphere. He’d hoped that by learning of new information Caduceus wouldn’t suddenly leave them to go repair the damage done to his home, regardless of how selfish the hope was. But no- he’d held onto it longer than he should have in the first place and it was about time it found its way into Caduceus’s capable hands, there for him to do whatever he wished with it.

But despite it all, despite almost dying at sea multiple times and embarking on such a foolish adventure with people he’d only met a few months ago, Caduceus had stayed with them, so Caleb continued to hold out hope.

Lately, Caleb had seen Caduceus’s chipper and confounding attitude towards all things in life waver a little and a deep look of sadness and pondering whisked across his face as quick as an autumn wind, but Caleb had always been a perceptive one, and no matter how rapidly it disappeared Caleb always caught it. Maybe it had with how long he’s been away from land, the home of the Wild Mother, on the turmoil waves? Maybe it was his aforementioned reading troubles stopping him from learning more about saving the only home he’s ever known? Regardless, Caleb was planning on making it up to his friend who they had dragged out to the middle of the ocean, no matter what he had to do.

Staring up at the crow’s nest, illuminated by a halo of light from the rising sun, Caleb focused on the straight-back silhouette of Caduceus content in his perch overlooking all. Not thinking too hard on what he was about to do, Caleb grabbed onto the rope ladder before he could regret his decision and began to climb up the mast, focusing mostly on the repetitive and certain motion of putting one hand in front of the other and making sure he didn’t fall down to shatter his skull on the floor below.

The book was in his lap when Caleb made it up to the crow’s nest, shaking and pale, but Caduceus only frowned down at the thick leather-bound tome, his ears pushed back against his head in annoyance. Only when Caleb swung his legs over the side of the high basket did the firbolg look up, startled, and instantly began to help Caleb into the crow’s nest, sitting on the edge with a sigh. “Oh, Mr Caleb, I’m sorry. I uh, wasn’t expecting any company up here quite so early, otherwise, I would have helped you up.”

Caleb dismissed the concern with a wave of his hand. “It’s alright, I probably needed the exercise anyway.” He glanced down at the book, marked by one of Caduceus’ long furred fingers. “How’s the reading going? I know you are not too fond of it.”

“Not at all- I have great respect for the makers and readers of books and what they often contain,” Caduceus said sagely, caressing the spine of the book with a tenderness that could have rivalled Caleb’s. “It just that back home, the only education I had was what I was taught by my family, but that mostly revolved around what season is best for planting certain flowers and how best to stake graves. We weren’t really… the academic sort.” He smiled up at Caleb. “It is… taking me a lot longer to get through this book than I would like, but I suppose I’ll get there eventually, as all things do.”

Chuckling lightly, Caleb ran a hand through his hair, still painful and shaking slightly from the trip up. “Understandable. I had quite the opposite upbringing though- I went to a very prestigious school when I was very young and that was all I knew for most of my childhood and teenage years. I must admit I uh, would have liked to learn more about the nature that surrounded my home when I got the chance.”

“Well, you can always go back there. And don’t worry, this time I’ll be beside you to help you out along the way,” Caduceus reassured, almost missing Caleb’s visceral flinch. “Or not, if you rather we stayed away?”

“No, no, it’s um… not that.” Caleb turned to the direction of the wind so he could mask the tears burning in his eyes as the stinging of the sea breeze. “There just isn’t much left to see. It was all burned. In a fire.”

“Oh, well I’m very sorry to hear that,” Caduceus frowned out over the sea as if trying to scout for something unseeable in the distance. “I can definitely understand why that would be difficult. Yeah, that'd be rough.”

Caleb ran a hand down his face, scrubbing away the feeling of unbearable heat and the sting of falling ash. When he removed his hand, the scent of acrid smoke was replaced with that of the salty waves beneath them. “Yes, well, anyway. I came up here to see if you needed some help deciphering that book… or if you’d like a hand at some of the more difficult aspects. It is quite tricky, even for me at times.”

“That would be very kind of you Mr Caleb, thank you.” Caduceus grinned up at Caleb in the lazy way he tended to do and the wind blew some of the fuchsia hair into his eyes. Caleb resisted the urge to push it away. “But maybe not right now. I’ve gotten quite sick of staring at these words for the last couple of days and my eyes are quite tired. Maybe another day?”

Smiling kindly, Caleb nodded. “Of course. I’ll always be here if you should need my assistance.” He shuffled his feet and Caduceus placed a gentle hand over them as if to keep Caleb from falling. His hands were big enough that just one covered both of Caleb’s feet and strangely, Caleb didn’t feel any kind of danger to the sudden yet appreciated contact. He caught sight of a weird looking fruit covered in mushroom spores, already with a few chunks taken out. “What is that?”

“Oh, nothing, just something I use to help me connect with my goddess,” Caduceus placed the book to the side and replaced it in his hands with the gnarly fruit. “I grew the mushrooms myself. A little wild but the taste is pleasant- it’s the same ones I cultivate at home.” He smiled, pleased as he turned the tropical fruit around to examine it. “It’s quite a nice memory of where I grew up.”

“Right, well.” Caleb cleared his throat and made to turn back around to make the treacherous climb back down the rigging that swayed in the wind. “I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’ll see you this morning at breakfast-”

“Mr Caleb, could I ask you a question?” the inquiry came so suddenly that Caleb had to turn around, blinking, as Caduceus sat there with his head turned inquisitively. There were no hands put on him, Clay knew much better than to touch him in such a way when it wasn’t welcome, but Caleb found himself pulled back towards him anyway.

Gulping thickly, Caleb turned back around with a nod and once again got comfortable against the wood. Caduceus moved over for him, taking over any of the space he could afford in the cramped space, and Caleb gratefully slid into the vacated spot. “Of course, _freund_.”

Caduceus frowned and gently reached his arm out, slowly so Caleb could watch every moment of the movement and stop Caduceus if he needed to. But for some strange reason, Caleb felt the need to panic completely absent and let Caduceus do as he wished. He felt safe in Caduceus’s hands, capable of nothing but love and kindness. “Your arms…” his voice was low and as he took Caleb’s bandaged arm in one of his extremely large hands, he ran a finger from his other hand over the carefully secured bindings. “Why are they wrapped up? Did you get into an accident?”

Caleb felt something thick and heavy, like molasses, drop into the pit of his stomach. Caduceus must have felt his hands shaking because he held his arm tighter as if worried he would blow away like a leaf in the wind. “Sort of,” Caleb hated the way his voice quivered. “They are from a... an incident, that happened when I was younger. My arms are scared by thin cuts from it and I thought covering them up would be best. For everyone.” He chuckled dryly. “They are not exactly a pretty sight. More of an eye-sore, actually.”

“The same fire that took your home?” Caduceus asked and Caleb nodded, choking on any of the words he would have said and hated how he had to lie to his friend who had done nothing he could so far to help him and take care of him, but the truth just refused to be said, refused to pass his lips. “That’s a shame. I’d ask to see them but I feel as though that would be a great invasion of your privacy. Are you taking good care of them? Have you gotten Jester to heal them every now and again? I don’t know if you knew this, but people like us can cure almost anything over time. I’ve heard tell of a cleric who grew back someone’s toe once.”

“Yes, well that’s quite interesting,” Caleb said, eyes focused on his friends furred yet slightly clawed fingers wrapped around his arm that could take advantage of his weakness and ruin him for all he was worth, but Caduceus’s grip wasn’t to harm or contain, his thumb moving gently over the raised pattern of overlapping bandages. “No, Jester has not seen it. Nott knows about it but not to the extent so I would prefer if we could keep this between us.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Caduceus nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if sensing that Caleb was uncomfortable with the line of questioning, maybe it was from the way Caleb avoided all eye-contact entirely or scuffed his boots against the wooden basket or fiddled with the hem of his glove, but Caduceus shifted his eyes away from Caleb and instead turned to face the ocean waves under them. “You know, everyone has scars. Scars are the most natural enhancements to a body. It’s unlikely that you can make your way through life without gaining a few here and there.”

Caleb looked appraisingly at Caduceus, a book he had ever been able to figure out past the cover and the first page. “Do you have scars? Even before we stumbled upon you and your home?”

“Oh yes.” He chuckled and maybe it was Caleb’s eyes betraying his intrigue, but Caduceus let go of Caleb’s hand and began to unbuckle his armour. Before Caleb could feel uncomfortable about the matter, Caduceus began to speak in such an easy-going way that Caleb couldn’t help but listen, thoughts of anything else flew from his mind like a flock of birds from a nest. “People deal with grief in many ways. Often they cry. Sometimes they scream.  Sometimes they… get violent.”

On Caduceus’s back was a large irregular scar with jagged edges and pale skin left over from where something obviously sharp had ruined it. Caleb reached his hand up in a wordless request to touch and Caduceus gave his wordless reply back with a nod of his head. The scar was rough under his fingers. “What happened?”

“A family came to my home when I was younger and tried to convince us to bring their loved one back to life,” Caduceus spoke evenly like he was describing the weather and not a gruesome injury from his childhood. “But his request went against our beliefs, and my father said he must have known it at the time. We help things into the earth and bring those back from the brink of death. But this woman he had brought was long past the point of no return, and when we refused, he attacked the closest person to him.” He shrugged and Caleb frowned. He seemed much too unconcerned about such a story. “My sister covered me with her body and spared me the brunt of the damage, but I did not escape scar-free.”

Caleb pulled his hand away and watched Caduceus methodically put his armour back on “You don’t talk much about your family.” Caleb suddenly had an urge to talk about anything but the subject of conversation that but the frown on Caduceus’s carefully blank face. “What are they like?”

“Oh yeah, they’re just the greatest.” Clay smiled again and Caleb let out a sigh of relief he hadn’t even known he was holding when he saw that twinkle return to his friend’s eyes. “They always know the best things to say. They know so much too- that’s why they went on the quest before I did.” He sighed through his nose. “I miss them.”

“Well, don’t you worry,” Caleb reassured, pushing through all his barriers to place a hand on Caduceus’s arm in an attempt at comfort. It seemed to work. “We’ll get you to them soon and then you can all go back home to fix the Blooming Grove.”

“I hope so. I would… very much like for you to meet them.” Something dark and troubling flashed across Clay’s face then and was gone again in an instant. Caleb didn’t comment because there was a flash of a smile directed at him and all his attention was focused on smiling thinly back. “I feel as though they would have liked you, at least.” He absently ran a hand over the armour he wore so nobly and proudly through their many adventures. “I hope we find them soon.”

Before Caleb could reply, Nott’s shrill voice shouted out below decks in a search for him. Caduceus laughed and stood, patting Caleb heavily on the shoulder. “That’s my cue. I should probably hop on down and start making breakfast. You know how they get first thing in the morning. I’ll uh,” he waved his hand about at Caleb hunched into the basket. “I’ll leave you to yourself for a little bit. You’ve got that look in your eye that means you want to think. I get that. I think Nott will probably be up in a moment, but I’ll buy you some time if you need it.”

“ _Ja_ , thank you, Mr Clay.” Caleb thanked and Caduceus nodded, taking his books and his mostly-eaten fruit before disappearing back down the rigging and into the kitchens and after a shouted comment over his shoulder, Nott was following hot on his heels, excited with the prospect at choosing breakfast. Caleb was left alone in the crow’s nest with his thoughts and a large, red-petaled flower that Caduceus had grown into the wood. Caleb plucked it and made a mental note to ask Nott if she could thread it into his hair. Absently, he rubbed the bandages wrapped around his arms, and decide that no matter how little he knew about the enigma that was Caduceus Clay, he had made the right choice in confiding in him.

**Author's Note:**

> The flower Cad grew into the wood for Caleb is a fire lily ( https://www.google.com.au/search?q=fire+lily&safe=strict&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjnycT1hPTfAhUOTn0KHUUKBQoQ_AUIDigB&biw=1280&bih=579#imgrc=I-BV3ShEg5Xc7M:), mostly because I saw a post on Tumblr comparing all the Mighty Nein to flowers and I thought I really fit the bill.
> 
> If you've made it this far and didn't pick it up ( spoilers for C1) but the Vox Machina easter egg is the part about the Cleric who could heal back a toe, which Pike did for Vax when he had it burnt off in the Underdark after standing in lava.


End file.
